Undercover VB Knocks Off Craft Award

Hipsters cry foul as VB proves which is the Very Best.

No matter which way they try to spin it, the Craft Beer hipsters of Australia were put back in their box recently at the Surry Hills, Sydney Craft Beer Festival, when their doyens voted VB the convincing winner of Best Beer at the festival.

The self proclaimed “Experts” on beer were totally embarrassed, and exposed as wankers when their pallets exposed them to the truth. A truth that Bevans have alway known … That VB stands for “Very Best”.

Below is a full report courtesy of    STANLEY WORTHINGTON | Sydney Correspondent |Betoota Advocate

Be sure to click the link after reading the report and see the comments.

VaucluseBitterCarlton & United Breweries, a subsidiary of Foster’s Group in Melbourne, have today confirmed that the winner of last month’s Sydney Craft Beer Festival was in fact one of Australia’s oldest and highest-selling beers – Victoria Bitter.

The undercover infiltration of the October 24th festival took out number one place by an undeniable margin and in turn embarrassed the entire craft beer community of Australia.

Rebranded under the trendy guise of Vaucluse Bitter, the judges and punters could not stop talking about this ‘amazing beer from a tiny microbrewery in Sydney’s east’. However, those present at the Festival in Surry Hills were completely unaware that they had been made for fools in a bold marketing ploy by one of Australia’s biggest brewers.

After sending in two undercover sales reps to the festival to offer tastings in a quiet corner of the Giant Dwarf theatre in Surry Hills Cleveland street, VB presented itself as a family recipe created by ‘two brothers from Byron Bay’.

The revelations have enraged all that were present on the day, with the competitors embarrassed to lose to a mass-produced ‘corporate beer’ and many venue-owners left red-faced after having stocked their venues with ‘Vaucluse Bitter’ taps.

surryhillscraftAll present at the festival were fooled by VB’s cunning strategy
Victoria Bitter (more commonly known as simply VB) is Australia’s only billion dollar retail beer brand, selling the equivalent of one slab every second. At one time VB sold twice as much as any other full strength beer and was the only Australian beer brand that is in the top 3 sellers in every state. Victoria Bitter held the highest market share of all beer sold in Australia for more than two decades. It is these kinds of mass-produced products that many micro-brewers feel are a dying breed when it comes to Australian beer. VB have proven that this is not entirely true.

The espionage was a simple yet clever intrusion to the contrived community of capitalist hipsters. The VB logo was changed to look less professional with a cartoon-style version of the original branding. The red and green colours were swapped and ‘Victoria’ was replaced with ‘Vaucluse’ – presenting the beer as the product of basement microbrewery from Sydney’s East, created by ‘two brothers from Byron’.

The undercover logo (right) was not too different to the original (left)
Inner-west craft beer enthusiast and former microbrewer, Banjo Clementé, was one of five judges on the day – he has since spoken out about the embarrassment.

“It is just so typical of these big corporations, they couldn’t cop the idea that our microbreweries might begin to compete with them on the main stage… they had to come in and cut us down to size,”

“Looking back, I was mainly impressed mainly by Vaucluse Bitter as a rags to riches story, it wasn’t necessarily about the taste, turns out they weren’t as cool as I thought.”
Clementé has explained that the ‘suits’ from Cartlon & United went the whole nine yards to fool Sydney’s hipsters by wearing plain T-shirts from Rivers and torn jeans.

“They even grew their beards out, they looked the part. It’s disgusting see the lengths these corporate pigs go to keep us down,”

“They won by fluke, we are interested in a recall.”
A spokesperson from SAB Miller, the parent company to Carlton & United was very keen to give comment this morning

“It just goes to show how much of a joke this microbrewery ‘culture’ is. Everyone knows there is only one way to tackle a hard earned thirst,”

 “We won this round, and we will win again. This craft beer bullshit is just a phase. Long live the green demons.”

Comments

  1. http://Satire%20Douchebags says

    I would like to apologise, the people who wrote that article forgot that rednecks don’t understand satire.

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